The 10 Dos and Donts of Flirting

After a very illustrious career in the art of flirting, its my time to give back something to the flirting community. Hereby I summarize a few basics every guy deserves 2 know about girls and how best to impress them.

Assumptions:
1. The guy has intentions only to flirt and have some light fun.
2. The girl is somewhere midway between indian and western culture(the rest of em arent worth all the effort neway[:-P]).
3. Valid till your first official date.

1. To begin with the beginning, the most fundamental of concepts. Whenever you get a "watz up?" msg, never say "NOTHIN MCH". Which girl wants to converse with a guy who has got nothing much to do at 8 or 9 in d evening! Pick up rather an intersting subject say "m messd up in a crossword" or "surfing a strange website" n google 1 immediately[;-)]. never try to impress too much too fast with a "am studyng astrophysics for fun" line and if you are actually doing something sensible, which i find hard 2 believe, you could say that too, at ur own risk.[:-P]

2. Something to etch deep in ur minds. No girl is beyond reach if you are in talking terms. All you have to be is smart and patient and stick to the protocol. They have a thing for smart guyz neway.[;-)]

3. When you talk, listen. Dont stare and you know where.[;-)] Dont look away a lot. Listening is a big part of the deal. 2 mins of good listening is a far better effort than 5 mins of good joke-cutting. You ll have your time to spill your good humour, if you have one. Save it for later.

4. Precaution. The point where most guyz lose it. When the girl flirts back, "never get carried away". Itz working, you know it and she doesnt have to know it. Retain the edge. Be happy with the compliment and switch quickly to a topic, less flirtatious and more on the same lines. This would be a good time for your humour to rescue you from falling right into the bear-trap.

5. Know when to end your conversations. End on a high note. Dont drag it if you know you are doing well. Enjoy the hangover and let her feel, "I wish he talked a little more. Damn idiot, had to leave just when it was getting interesting!!"

6. The need to be the bigger guy. While in the presence of a third person, learn to play it mature. Kisine ache se line pe ladki k saamne gandi uda d, to zaruri nehi he muh phad k ganda sa pj maar do. Give a smile and say "nice1". She knows you cant be the smartest all the time and thats ok. You know how often she has been dumb neway.[;-)]

7. Dont overdo your good impressions. She likes the way you are so good at writing, to roz "poem" ya "khat" likhne ki zarurat nehi he. She likes how you got an award for a "chinese crockery" competition, to roz sunane ki zarurat nehi he. Always have new lines up ur sleeve. The old ones have done their job just fine.

8. Never give stupid advices if she approaches you when upset. "sab thik ho jayega na". "tumse koi kaise jhagda kar sakta he". "teachers to bewakuf hote hen. they cant see your true potential. I can". Stop being an ass-kisser. If she has a genuine prob, you ll always have a genuine advice. If she doesnt, imagine how many of those would come your way once you woo her over.[:-P]

9. Learn to be good at a few things. Just the smooth talking wont take you a long way. This would be the horizon where knowledge and flirting meet. A good iq level is always healthy unless you are an enormously hot guy with all flex muscles, tall and a cool hairstyle supposedly. uske agey kafi ladkiyon ko kuch dino tak atleast, baki kuch nehi sujhta and you can afford to be dumb and like, "I work out 4 hours in gym everyday while am not sleeping or daydreaming about you".

10. Never ever flirt with your friends unless you are in love with them or you are too sure they would never fall for a guy like you. The latter being the more probable. You dont wanna jeopardise what you have with your friends. Let them be the listeners of your "flirting escapades".[:-)]

The aforesaid basics should work for quite a few years to come and i have a feeling I wont need them much having this strong urge for a more "career-driven" lifestyle now. I resign and I have passed the baton to a community that keeps hearts beating. jiyo!!:)

Facebook Fever

This article is a valuable preface to the inconsequential natter of the facebook mania. Posts after posts in facebook, have undergone the painstaking process of suffering from the writer's freedom of choosing a convenient outlet to dispense with man's irrestible desire to talk. The facebook phenomenon isnt just about socialising with out-of-touch friends anymore. There is more to it, than that touches any periphery of wisdom and reason.
What is a piece of writing without some irony and some controversial judgements and a little humour for people who can read between the lines. "Whats on your mind?", says the facebook status window and people are literally liberal with their emotional urge to share, with their friends, not so friends, strangers they are trying to impress, strangers they wouldnt care to notice passing next to them on their way, their mundane explores of everyday, of every hour, of every minute. Itz like a revolution for the information age where you know how your friend dealt wid the frenzied situation when he last had loose motions.
Facebook is still underrated. It isnt jst media. It isnt jst a useless hobby. Itz a cold-war weapon. Sooner it would be on the ads, "have a broken heart, want 2 gt bk on ur ex?..open fb and type in some text", "a friend screwed u up, want 2 get back on top?..open your last album and few pixels you crop". Commited..single...commited..single..commited...(and now we have a "its complicated" to save the fb servers the regular, predictable updates). Luckily-unluckily, I have a fb account too:)
Fb isnt all about these textual encounters aftrall. Itz a creative undertaker, a talent-findng software product allowing, the girl inside the guy to feed and see fishes mate in an aquarium(happy aquarium apparently), and the boy inside the girl(strictly not in a literal sense) to plough and clean farms in farmville and the lousy Indian flirt to be smart with a Swedish girl on a poker table. Fb promotes the opportunity to the "so-called smart" guyz to send friend requests to girls they have only had the guts to ogle at and flirt wid girls they later realize were only "hairy dudes". If it wasnt for fb, there would never be those "long-wet-dreamz"[;)]
Fb is the official battleground of snobbery. "Look at my recntly uploaded album and all the chicks in it around me, and you thought I was dumb with girls(the last part is left to the reders's discretion to understand)". "My dad gotta new cell, mum gotta new purse, neighbour gotta cute, new puppy and i finally got an underwear". Even if I were puttng thoughts into some minds, trust me, a status like that will not only earn lots of likes bt ll totally deserve them and thats all what life is really abt-flaunting globally about the best you got. A thank-you or a sorry isnt personal anymore like it ever had to be. "Thank you for " and thats like a showpiece on your famous fb wall left to be discussed. Thats not so dumb as much as it is brave to be so dumb so publicly.[;)]
All said and done, facebook is now indispensable as I finally come forth with the last of the ironies in my article. Having written this, all I have to do now is post an advertisement on fb and be a part of the big joke:)

As Catholic As A Culture Can Get!!

The honour was due. Having been with the most grounded and yet a fascinating batch of students for more than 3 years now, its only justice that i dedicate a piece of reflective prose(i avoid using felicitation) on my blog to my very dearest classmates. Its a privilege to be there amongst this bunch of awesome guyz, who have in these years perfected every art, from mastering last minute prep for exams to mastering cheesy lines for teachers after exams, from hooting persistently in class to disguising as online hookers, from playing poker to solving crosswords and the list goes on. Every guy brings in a little culture with their own unique persona, be it d geek or the bravado, the funny or the hapless romantic, the facebook addict or the bhojpuri dabang!!;)

I wouldnt be audacious to put the names and the adjectives together, but yes, a little fabricated incident that establishes the cherished virtues of the pelus, the chotus, the runkys, the brads, the dizzys, the sambas, the john bhais(which ironically sounds close to bhains), the choti dons and the most peculiar of nicknames 1 can think of, all apt and befitting in the most rational of sense. So, here it goes...

The incident takes place at the premises just outside the campus with the characters, as subsequently unfolded, present in the vicinity. Their responses to the occasion and to others' dialogues lucidly implying the aura they bring into the culture.

The incident begins with lambu(subsequently refered as pelu, for understandable reasons), falling into a pit. The pit is kinda gutter and he is in absolute mess.

sahab: abey, pelu naale me gir gaya!!(giggling and signalling everyone)

(everyone now focussed on the incident)

aman: (high 5s with sahab)

brad: beta!!...maro lambu ki!!

chetan: ille po ho gaya lambu pa ka(laughing incessantly)

bharat: hahahahaha

pelu: abey, me janbujh k gira hun...(stops a while)..actually acha lag raha he yahan:)

goyal: (whispering to bro) lag gaya pelne lambu phir se

mahesha: goyal sahab, jor se bolo..aisi chizen bas ahishta hi bolte ho

aman: (high 5s with mahesha)

runky:(whispering to mahesha--chal lete hai lambu ki) array laambu tu gir gaya??

raja:are aman kuch dekhne ke liye pada hai??

samba: aman, maggi padi he kya extra?

bro: b*******wale, tum andar kaise pahunch gaye?

everyone breaks into laughter. some at lambu, others at bro!!:)

chetan: pa...hahahahaha

raja:are chetan pa, kuch dekhne ke liye pada he??

pelu: (irritated, yet defending)..bro, acha lag raha he yahan...pair thande lag rahe hen...aap bhi aao:)

(meanwhile)nandan: (tensed) lambu ka to placement ho gaya he, kahin bhi gir sakta he wo...me to padhai karne ja raha hun!!

(nandan goes back to hostel)

bharat: hahahaha

chotu: (laughing) lambu, tu andar kaise gir gaya?..me to ek jump me pura pit cross kar sakta hun!!

dev: (chadhane lag gaya)...ye bola superman!!

samba: dev, maggi padi he kya extra?

dizzy: i am lean shady. i enjoy small pitfalls every now and then.

(dizzy laughs at his own joke. no1 else understands)

(meanwhile...ashu on phone...just holding it..not speaking much)

goyal: (whispering to ashu) kya ashu, jyada bolne ka mauka nehi mil raha kya?

aman: (high 5s with goyal)

(lalas msg arrives at everyone. non-veg joke on divij)

(bro goes to pick lambu from pit and falls himself)

mard: ouch!!

pelu: acha lag raha he na bro?

bro: kya acha lag raha he b*******wale?...naale me gira diya hame...mathur, tum aur me ek hi room me rehte hen aur lambu pe dono hi has rahe the, phir me kaise andar gir gaya?

sahab:(not knowing what to say)

garima: (thinking to herself...mera bf kitna hoshiyar he!!)

samba: garima, tumhare paas to extra maggi padi hogi?

(garima stares at samba...samba goes back to hostel)

brad: beta, lambu ki to sab le rahe hen..aaj iska bday bhi mana lete hen..pelo pelu ko!!..bulao chandu ko...

chandu: ye aaya me.

(lambu mutters smthing...chandu offended)

chandu: tumhi ne to bulaya tha!!(walks away)

chotu:(updates in facebook).."lambu in pit...now both aditya of the same height...no1 calls me chotu"

aman:(likes chotus status)

dang: basically, every basically lambu having evry basically day...basically!!...dats all basically..!!

(divijs msg arrives at every1. non-veg joke on lala)

john bhai: sabke cam k xerox aa gaye. term end ka de diya he. lekin agle baar se me kuch nehi karunga. hamesa me hi karta hun. aur class k mail pe kuch material aane wala he. me mail kar dunga sabko. par agey se kuch nehi karunga me. hamesa me hi karta hun.

raja:are john bhai kuch dekhne ke liye pada hai??

dizzy: lean shady is hairy. i am not lean shady. hairy lean shady.

(dizzy again laughs at his own joke. no1 else understands)

chetan: (nothing funny, yt..)..pa, hahahahaha

(chotu jumps into pit. gets all dirty. blabbers like the proud kids in surf excel advertisements)

(everyone has had enough entertainment. end of scene.)

(finally...ashu, still on phone, not speaking, not even listening;)...divij and lala msgng non-veg jokes about each other, just to each other...lambu claims chotu and bro inside the pit...garima still loves her bf...samba now looking for boiler, instead of maggi...aman makes sure he high 5s every1...dizzy not letting out jokes in open, still smiling all by himself...bro uttering all sorts of "auspicious" words....chetan n bharat still laughing)

and then, there is me...right at the corner...taking the last puff of my last cigarette, saying to myself..."this is fun...itz cool...n yt dis aint perfect...derz something i still miss..."

A Degree Called "Bachelor Of Technology!!"

Last Friday morning, for 70 absorbing minutes, my engineering life was at its acme. I had the closest shot at the most desirable company, that we all know by the name of "Microsoft". I also had scores of smss flooding my inbox with words of wishes and accolades. A moment of enlightenment. Maybe, i still got time to avoid being another "Engineering Jackass"!!

3 years into my engineering, i have been at every crossroad and i have done it all. Perfunctory lessons of guitar, a course on the semantics of swimming for the sake of my loving "snobbery",valiant, countable work-outs at the free gym, copious flirting, attended meetings of the most renowned and dormant of clubs, guilty of situation-driven puffing, distasteful wine-tasting, hours of facebooking and a crippled spree of late-night poker, besides owning a polemic disarray of friends and making it to the elite "9 pointers" by a wispy margin. Such is the disparate set of activities, it is esoteric to determine what out of this, accouters me to earn the degree of btech.
(Yes. I have always had a soft corner for sarcasm.)

(I get a lot of brouhaha(meaning complaints) on my needless usage of grandiose vocabulary. But guyz, i have a gre exam to appear and for me, my blog is not just another distinguished inspirational or regretful piece of crap!![:)])

$$Retracting to our original topic of concern$$
Microsoft, this time around, wasn't that scary feeling it used to be. It wasn't that spectral, inaccessible offer adorned in a "10 lacs package". I saw it close. It was this connoisseur of savvy and logic. Terrible as it may sound, ironical it is that a lucid understanding of "data structures" was all it demanded. Irony stretches further, as i recollect a semesterful of "bharath sir" and "Gilberg-Forouzan" existed in my curriculum. But i have always had preferences and priorities. Toiling incessantly for declining relationships. Start cold wars. Fight cold wars. Lose Cold wars. Explore meticulously, a stately Vellore. Drool over at the fairest of singletons. An obscure and mysteriously hot Shalini Misra to recreate and entertain. I have never stayed aloof from a hectic schedule. But sadly, Microsoft never conducted a round of self-introspection to acknowledge my feat of chronologically scaling every milestone conventionally associated with the four years of btech and i now begin to believe the trend will continue for the rest of the companies too.

At this juncture, i am pragmatic to accede a new future in mba or mtech or gre. The blueprint of our education system and a rich family legacy ensures that no disappointment lies ahead of our degree of btech. We will always have options. In fact, this is a conducive time for my fellow mates who want to pursue their vocations. At least, they have a "3 idiots" example to validate their inappropriate btech career. I am no exception.

Almost through with my article, i suppose i have flummoxed my entire audience, who have been determined enough to read the whole article, even if its cumbersome and a satirical welter of thoughts. What point am i trying to make? I am not intending to whet my fellow engineers or mock at their princely life of engineering. I am an aficionado of "Long Live Btech and Its Luxuries!!". The point is, itz still early march and we have measured thicker books than Forouzan in less than fortnights. If i knew i could still prepare and establish a better and welcoming post btech life for me, i wouldn't mind wheedling my chances.

Ofcourse, we all got a face like Tom Cruise and a brain like Bill Gates (aur koi maa-ka-laal hamara kuch nehi bigad sakta), but at this time of the year lets just hope it is not some trivial piece of code that sucks from us, a happening and prosperous future.
(Kudos to readers who understood the aforesaid line from itz very nudity.[;])

What It Takes To Be A Nice Guy...!!

I could have chosen to write this article on "What it takes to be a sexy guy..." and have my readers interested, right from the title itself. Its startling how the word "sex" can so amazingly implore all our "attention" glands. Some might argue, i wouldn't probably know much about the sexy guy. May be that. But more importantly, the nice guy has what it takes to make a healthy, enlightening piece of prose.

Dudes. Geeks. Nerds. Perverts. Zombies. Scoundrels. Sexists. Not-so-sexists. Anti-sexists. Guyz exist in d weirdest of manifestations. (The perfect guy is a hateful and one of the most ridiculed of concepts amongst guyz. No such mythical categories in my piece.) "Nice Guyz" is an endangered species in this planetful of variety. I have often tried to categorise myself into one of these. All of us have our own definitions for ourselves. By the end of this piece, i expect you would probably find out if you and I actually belong to the class of "Nice Guyz". For all my readers from the other sexes, you can map your own references!![;)]

Wikkipedia defines a nice guy as "An adult male who seeks sexual attraction and romantic intimacy, but only finds cordial friendship and platonic love". I can sense that definition getting an instant, "i-knew-it" smile on some of my specific readers[:)]. Hang On!!. There is more to it than that meets the eye. Perception is a delusional activity esp for a prejudiced mind. All those to whom my last statement made no sense except for a nice feeling about things to come, welcome to the world of how a nice guy makes his artful speeches.

Of course, i ll give you my own definition of a nice guy, so that you have something substantial to argue with me about. A nice guy is basically an emotionally well-controlled brain-handling heart. On a more descriptive note, if u can laugh just enough in a crowd to finish laughing before the last one does, if u can flirt just enough to get a girl thinking for a second thought and no way letting her pursue the thought of it later, if you can be just upset that your friends neva give up on convincing you, if you can kid your way through an embarrassing situation, if you can wink with a smile to an acquaintance, shake hands with a friend, and come up with an innovative swear with your best friends everytime you come across them, you are doing well so far.

A nice guy is nice irrespective of the referential environment. Be it in a partying mob of handsome guyz and girls, a hostile crowd of competitors, an aroused group discussing a strangely erotic subject or in the solitude of 3am in the late midnight, a nice guy sticks to his protocol of participation and adaptability. Adaptability is the key word dear mates. If you can make routine fun of a goon with your friends when you are hanging out, shake hands with a smile with people you couldn't hate more and slip in with a funny one-liner followed by a m*****f***** in the midst of a gang of dirty late-night discussion in the boys hostel setting everyone into laughter, then you are up for the stakes of the rare species. Wits is to a nice guy just as something sounding similar is to a pretty girl!![;)]

There is a whole parental dimension to a nice guy too. But since my mom n dad are neva going to go through my blog, I would rather save you all, a few inspiring lines. Either way, I don't think they would think pretty nice of me after reading that last para.(lol)

A nice guy listens. Understands. Most of the time, speaks what you want to hear(strictly, not insincerely). Tricky, cheesy and true. He is often the easiest to get along with. The one you can truly be yourself with. With all of this, there is probably a few things wrong with a nice guy.

(i) A nice guy ain't hot.

(ii) A nice guy still ain't hot.

(iii) Oh, yeah. That's strictly recursive.

I wouldn't take pains to justify that. Wikkipedia is a tough opponent to beat. A nice guy probably doesn't end up with the girl he falls for. There is a good chance of that happening the other way round. Disputatious!!

Nope, the climax ain't tragic, if that's what you were beginning to believe. I am an optimist. A nice guy is an optimist. By now, you must be all calibrated. Itz not as easy as it sounds to adhere strictly to this set of umpteen values. Well, having gone through the premises, you all fall into this cool category, if you say so[;)]. Cause a nice guy never denies someone the right to be glad about anything.

Rise And Decline Of A Crush!!

Assumptions:
1. The reader is a guy.
2. At no point, sex is an option.

Love is a difficult word..I often have problems using it appropriately..Crush on the other hand is easy, safe[;-)] and most importantly a little tricky!!..Being the first article on my blog, it had 2 be somewhat of an insight of the masculine syndromes(One of the issues i believe, i specialize in!!)..the intricacies of the human nervous system and the most common painful process of rise and decline of a crush!!

I am 20 and single..and single 4 quite a while now..i have had my share of crippled, minuscule affairs and copious flirting..totally worth it yet arguably a little melancholic..!!..goes without saying, i share an immensely popular state of singlehood..the journey that's about to unfold is generic with indistinct autobiographical elements, leaving it to the readers to substitute and lucidate....

The morning always shows the day..the beginning is often the lasting forecast..and you are only mislead, if you believe that the first sight is probably the beginning...the heart is a moody organ..u never know what it cud fall for!!..The first impression is like the testing stroke on a guitar..you are struck once..loud..discerning..all you know is something just happened...the silence that follows brings no introspection..itz usual..candid..welcoming...

(A little Barney graph plotting d curve of d rise n d decline would have been expedient here..since thats not plausible, u have 2 bear with my skills as a writer)

Its amusing how delicately the successive impressions are etched..unnoticeable..sleeky..and connecting...it could be with every meeting of the eyes..could be with each caring word exchanged..could be with each conspicuous smile..or it could be just the pendulous feeling of something charming happening...and before you know, the exponential part of the graph is all begun...bullying you into thinking...the only time, i have felt no matter how sensible a brain you got, the heart is awfully adamant..the moment is worth this civil war though..The stake is overwhelming...

If you haven't already done something stupid by now or reached stage I again with some other hot chick, this is when u get to decide..the moment i decided, i was gonna go through this..and let thingz happen..and that's when the little smithereens make exceptional imprints..[..An accidental brush of the hairs, the most breathtaking of all stimuli.....********************************************************************
*********************************************************************************
******************..and weird, how a tiny mole on the neck can be a spectacular emotion-agitator!!]...(You gotta be kidding, if u thought, i would share this part of the course on a blog!!)

And then comes the apex..the summit of d sojourn...itz this point guyz tend 2 say they are in love..For me, love is still a difficult word as much as it was in the beginning of this piece..guyz are neva a more vulnerable species than at dis point..they find joy and laughter in everything that neva made any sense 2 them...

Here begins the divergence...

The lucky ones discover the other half of the graph ain't coming any soon for them, although it would eventually..the rest are all me...Reason and Instinct..mighty on their own grounds..up against each other..there is obvious disappointment...the unlucky ones give in..the rest are again..all me!!:)..itz almost like a break-up without a relationship...time you get stringent with your nervous system..it had its day!!..with the decline of your crush, rises maturity..understanding and digesting...therz no reason good enough to explain oneself, that this had 2 be the end...but we chose this..we knew, it was neva gonna happen...!!

The guy inside is bk again..gradually..hurt n healed..time gives us all..confrontation..clearing the air...not the way it was meant to be done..but therez something really precious that goes beyond all of these catchy concepts of love, of romance and beyond...coz the real strength doesn't always lie in reaching out and holding on tightly to what you want, sometimes what matters is whether you are strong enough to let it go...

The graph finally just lingers over the axis..neva really touches...coz the feeling would neva really die entirely..the Teds and the Joeys live amongst us..harnessing this special, soft corner forever for their Robins and Rachels..but baby-o-baby, all you got is a corner, when you could have had the whole of it!!...No story has a perfect ending...Atleast, it wasnt love...was just a crush!![:)]..[See, thats where it gets tricky!!]